Luna’s Passing…….
In April this year (2021) our darling Luna died. I usually describe a death as a passing as I believe it to be a passing from one world to another. It’s most certainly a death of the physical, and it’s also a dying from this world. Many people ask for guidance around the time of their animal’s passing and I thought it might be useful to write a little of Luna’s journey.
I don’t believe there is a ‘perfect death’ or a ‘good way’ to die. There is only what is best and possible for you in any given moment. But we can prepare for death, even sudden deaths. If we are willing to face death, and welcome the energy of death, we can be more at ease with this transition.
Luna was diagnosed with canine cognitive dysfunction, doggy dementia, almost three years before she died. Canine dementia is a progressive disease (it worsens as time passes) and prognosis for life span is about 18 months from date of diagnosis. I knew what was expected, and myself and Luna were preparing for her death and discussing what she would like from early days. This became important as in the days immediately prior to her death there was very little ‘to do’ in terms of deciding what she’d like and what was possible. It made those final days much more free and easy to just ‘be’. One of the things that happened with Luna’s dementia was that her old anxieties resurfaced. (Luna came to live with me when she was around 2 years old having chosen me in the pound. She had lots of anxieties which disappeared as her confidence in life grew.) I promised Luna that her last years on earth wouldn’t be filled with anxiety as her first years were. I always held this promise close to my heart and I knew that if we couldn’t manage these anxieties that it would be Luna’s choice to go. She also told me clearly that if she couldn’t find her water bowl that would be a sign that she wanted to leave. Sometimes she would forget what she had gotten up for, but when I prompted her by saying ‘water’ she was able to make her way to her bowl. In November 2020, Luna started to have episodes of bleeding and diarrhoea. At first this seemed to be some form of gastric illness but as time progressed it seemed more likely that something like a tumour may have been causing intermittent bleeding. I am lucky that I have a local vet who visits us at home so Luna only had to go into a vet practice for blood tests, and for treatment and iv fluids when needed. Luna struggled with leaving her routine and home environment because of her dementia. During this time she was also diagnosed with renal failure. In March, she had a particularly severe episode of bleeding late at night and it was very distressing for her. Once again she bounced back, but I now knew that her time was short and she couldn’t continue as she was. I continued to have regular conversations with Luna and her wishes were to leave while she could still enjoy life and that we not leave things too long.
It’s worth mentioning that when Luna was diagnosed with dementia I started asking questions of my vets about what was possible in terms of end of life plans. I’ve worked in Palliative Care and this is second nature to me. But for others it’s very uncomfortable. The focus was always on what other treatments were possible and all the things we could do to keep Luna alive. I continued to have those awkward conversations and continued to push for a plan to allow Luna to pass at home, when that time came. I feel very grateful for my local vet who was willing to attend to Luna at home. Luna continued to have regular bleeds on an almost weekly basis and myself and the vet agreed that it was time to let her go.
During these latter weeks I had started asking Luna where she would like to be buried. There were a few places that seemed likely and practical, but none felt fully ‘right’ for Luna. She started indicating an area by doing her full body rolls in the spot. And for her last few days she always lay in one area…… down under the birch trees in the ogham woodland, beside the bluebells. I had been avoiding this area as it is full of roots and I thought it would be very difficult to dig. (My practical nature once again!) But I decided to stick a spade into the ground and to my surprise the ground was very giving. So her spot was chosen. It’s a lovely space and it’s in the area of my daily sit spot…… I’d quite like to join her there when my time comes!
In Luna’s last days we did all the things she loved to do. Every moment was precious……. And she was well enough to enjoy those days. As I’ve said, there was nothing left for us to worry about or have to do or say in those last days…… the work was done, the plans were made, and we had time to be……. Time to be together. I had arranged for the vet to call to the house to put Luna to sleep. The fire was lit and Luna was relaxing in the warmth. Chara was of course with us too. Our vet sedates animals first prior to euthanasia, and Luna was sedated so quickly as her body was frail. She took her last breaths by the fire very peacefully. Chara lay peacefully too……. She only moved for Luna’s final two deep breaths where she came over and pressed her nose to Luna’s mouth…… it was like she was taking Luna’s last breath to carry it on. And then Luna was gone from this world.
It is important that animal kin realise when one of their family has passed. Ash and Willow, our cats, were very attached to Luna and I knew they needed to see her. I left Luna by the fire and called them in…….. they immediately went to her to nuzzle and groom her as they usually did. They quickly realised that Luna wasn’t alive. Willow sat away from her and observed, Ash was much more upset and chose to leave the house. She came back in later that night but didn’t stay. And she didn’t come back into the house for a week after Luna’s passing. It is heart-breaking to witness animal kin realising that their loved one is dead. But this is a very important gift to them….. if they don’t have this opportunity they can search for a friend for days or months.
Chara was very down in herself for a week following Luna’s death. She has the early stages of arthritis but this is generally well managed, but for two or three days after Luna died she was sore. She also slept a lot for that first week. It’s important to remember that animal kin can have physical and emotional reactions to loss too. Chara has only known life with Luna so it’s a big loss for her too.
In preparing Luna’s body for her burial I used essential oils to anoint her body and I wrapped her in a cotton sheet…… making sure to tuck her legs in. (I made her body small as the ever practical me knew there was a grave hole to dig!) I laid her in the cool back porch and her candle burned all night. Early the next morning I wrapped her in her burial cloth. She was laid at the hearth of the cottage and we all said our last goodbyes.
The one task I was dreading was digging Luna’s grave. I find digging hard, and I just knew it would be physically and emotionally difficult. I am so very grateful to dear friends who came to mark Luna’s passing with me and helped in digging her grave. As her grave was dug I felt a strong urge to sit in that space……. So into her grave I climbed! It felt like I was warming it up for her!
I carried Luna from the cottage to her burial place, at the far corner of the land. I wanted to do this as I carried Luna so often throughout her life. It felt right to carry her to her grave too. Luna was placed with her head facing east. We all said our goodbyes in our own way again. I had thought Luna’s bell would be buried with her…… she wore a bell on her collar when outside in later years so that I could hear where she was. She sometimes got lost. But no, her bell was to stay with me and a wooden wolf carving ‘fell’ into her grave instead. This was a wolf totem animal that in her early years was tucked under her bed to bring canine comfort….. An appropriate grave item to take with her. A few other things went with her along with her collar and tag. We all filled in her grave by hand……. On our hands and knees, scraping earth over her. Once she was buried I once again felt a need arise…… I needed to lie on her grave. I lay on her bones in the earth. This felt like an old, old tradition. Lying on her bones. I was called out of this lying position by Chara who planted a big paw on my face and then my heart as if to say ‘don’t you dare’!!!
We all now regularly visit Luna’s burial place. The cats sit on her grave stone, Chara snuffles around her, Laoise lies on her too. I ponder on my father’s grave in a church graveyard…… I seldom visit it as I feel he’s not there. But with Luna’s grave it’s somehow different……. She is there, she’s in the earth, she’s in the trees, she’s in the air. She is all around us here. I sometimes hear her bell on the wind as she dances across the sky.
So many thanks to my friends who supported me in Luna’s passing……. You know who you are! I am so grateful for your digging, helping, feeding, supporting….. and the beautiful grave stone for Luna.
If you would like to join me in an exploration of the energy of Death, The Soul’s Journey Home programme runs for the moon cycle of Samhain.